she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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