Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
