You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
