As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
