My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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