I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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