Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize