I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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