dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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