just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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