quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
