so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
