So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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