Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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