I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
