Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize