Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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