So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
50% drunk capacity currently
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
