You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
