Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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