i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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