I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
