i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
