You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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