taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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