i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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