he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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