this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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