Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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