i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
