Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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