I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
