Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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