It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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