I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
