$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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