THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
