I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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