You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize