I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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