Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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