i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
