Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
