I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
