i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
