that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm experimenting with sincerity
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
