I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
