Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
