1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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