omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
