Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
