I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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