I haven't been this sober since birth.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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