rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
A+ Viking dick
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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