New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my sisters under your porch take her home
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
