Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you will always have a special place in my vag
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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