I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
