I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
