Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize