So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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