No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
