It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
These tits shall not be calmed
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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