Kareoke will never be a sober sport
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
