No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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