It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize