I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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