If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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