yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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