There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
