I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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