Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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