goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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