The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
