see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
