There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Sorry about my life...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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