you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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