Do vagina's smell?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
