any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
