My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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