On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
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